For the past few years, every New Year's Day, I have tried to explain the distinction I make between resolutions and intentions in order to invite my interlocutor to define a list of intentions rather than a list of resolutions. But through conversations with various people, I understood that that distinction between those 2 words probably only made sense in my head. Truth is, I wasn't using the right words.

The way I explained intentions is that they describe a state of mind as opposed to resolutions, which to me describe a concrete objective. That’s semantically debatable at best. I would use examples such as: if a resolution - according to my wonky definition - was 'I want to hold my handstand', then the intention should be 'I need to practice focus & discipline so I can find balance'. I was trying to invite people to think about the motivation behind the goal. Personally, I know that by doing this, I realised that more often than not, the objective I had set wasn't matching the intention I had. It's like a design problem: when we're attached to a solution we end up pushing for it without spending enough time thinking about the actual problem it's supposed to solve. As I like to say, it ends up being 'the right solution to the wrong problem'. Which is a polite way to say that in reality, it's not solving anything and it's probably creating more problems.

But the way Kate phrased it made so much more sense; in order for us to define clearly what the actual objective is, we need to feel safe enough to dig deeper. That can only happen from a regulated place: a place where we feel calm and balanced, confident enough in our judgement and in ourselves.

Regulation is a process. This is what I call 'finding balance'. It's not a place of stillness but a place of constant adaptation. It requires to tune in and be honest with ourselves so we can admit what doesn't feel right. That requires confidence, because we might not like what we discover - maybe that handstand is not what we need right now. And that realisation can bruise our ego.

Resolutions lead to expectations. Regulation comes from a place of attunement.

Kate explains that resolutions should be set from a regulated place; once we know what we need and we've already setup the right routines to maintain that regulated state. Because being regulated brings clarity. And I believe that clarity leads to compassion.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with setting objectives for ourselves. Pushing ourselves out of what we know, out our comfort zone. But to experience discomfort without losing ourselves in the process, we have to know how to go back to our comfort zone. We'd better know the tools we need to bring us back to that regulated state.